Falling in love after losing a spouse

  • admin
  • April 28, 2018

When a loved one dies, everything you know is turned upside down. Whether the person is a spouse or partner, boyfriend or girlfriend, and whether you have been together for decades or months, life changes. What you had planned is gone. The festivals you had imagined with the grandkids in some near or distant future will always remain a memory. And despite that, your life goes on, with its need for companionship, love, and intimacy.

 

When we marry, we adopt an instant partner — an eating partner; a sleeping partner; an “obligatory social engagement” attendee partner; a travel partner; a movie and television viewing partner; an “I need help zipping my zipper” partner; a “changing the air filter” partner; a hand-holding partner; a fighting partner; a laughing partner; a sex partner; a parenting partner; a “when you have a bad day at work” venting partner; an “I’m on your side when your mom is driving you nuts” partner.

 

It is excruciating for anyone who has experienced this entrenched companionship, as life immediately becomes hollow — the seat across from you at the table, vacant. The space next to you at the party, empty. The bed sheets aren’t as messy in the morning, the bathroom remains cleaner, the refrigerator is filled with food gone bad, because you bought too much (because that’s what you’re used to doing).

 

There is an absence.

 

Dating after losing a loved one is one of the hardest things you can do. You are opening yourself up to another person, knowing that loss is still a possibility. You may feel that you are betraying the memory of the person you love. You may feel you are being unfair to the new person because they aren’t the person you originally intended to spend your life with. All these feelings are normal. Dating after death is an emotional minefield, but you can get through it.

 

The first thing that you need to know is that there is no appropriate timeline. In the beginning, you will almost certainly be so overcome with grief and filled with loss that you feel there is no room for dating.

 

The most important thing to remember is that you have a right to be happy. It isn’t disrespectful to your dead love to want to be happy again. After all, he or she loved you, and part of love is wanting the object of your affection to feel joy in life. We are social creatures. Life takes strange and funny—and sometimes terrible and tragic—terms, but at the end, you are still you, a creature who needs love.

 

We sometimes think it is romantic never to date again. And if you are that way, that is fine, because you have the right to live your life the way you want. But it isn’t a failure, nor is it a betrayal, to feel that first spark of romance with someone new, to date, to fall in love, and to be intimate, after the death of your love. Giving love a second chance, as long as you approach it with honesty toward yourself and your partners, you can move forward. The past will always be a part of you. That doesn’t mean the future is closed off.

 

Our journey to Bali is based on the concept of providing a common platform to those who lost their spouse/partner. Take bali vacation for singles with like minded people who are in similar situations as yours. Its about healing, connecting & trying to find yourself in the scenic landscapes of Bali.

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